Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I Wanna Be Just Like Her!

I keep thinking I will do this one for my next speech at Toastmasters (public speaking club) , but maybe I will use it as an inspiration instead.
I went to Toastmasters about 12 times as a 'guest' because I was afraid and unsure about joining the club. May sound silly but it is the truth.
One time members from another club joined ours for the evening. Table topics is a Toastmasters tradition to have members 'think on their feet'
for a maximum of 2 minutes. They are to speak about a topic they only know about when they are called upon.
I went to Toastmasters to have this experience and I felt so nervous sometimes I wished I had just stayed home.
On this particular evening was one of those times I wished I had stayed home, avoiding the whole nerve wracking experience. But here I was sitting in my chair trembling, because I knew sooner or later the Tabletopics person would ask me if I would like to have a turn.
I always said yes because I really did want to overcome my nervousness and anxiety.
They usually asked experienced members to go first so I knew I was OK for a while longer. As one by one the members got up and said their little spiel, I knew my turn was fast approaching. I could feel the anxiety consume me as I sat sweating in my chair, my throat tightened so I could hardly swallow, I desperately wanted a drink from my water bottle but I knew my hands would tremble violently and I didn't want to draw any attention to myself so I sat in anxiety ridden silence. Maybe they were going to call on me next...and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. But no, they called on someone else. A member from the other club.
The woman stood up and her shoes went "tap, tap, tap" as she headed for the front of the room. She began her little talk with conviction. She spoke as if she truly knew what she was going to speak about and she passionately delivered her message. When she was finished her shoes went "tap, tap, tap" all the way back to her chair.
As I sat in my chair, I could feel my back straighten as I thought to myself, "I want to be just like her!" I want to stand up tall and walk confidently to the front of the room and speak with passion and intelligence.
Sure enough, I was asked next if I would like to give it a try and I accepted. I stood up and headed for the front of the room and even though my shoes sounded more like "clop, clop, clop", I began to speak words that formed coherent sentences and with a little humour thrown in, soon my time was done and my shoes said "clop, clop, clop" all the way back to my seat. I DID IT!!

Friday, March 19, 2010

Finally the Answer to Cancer!!

Finally the answer to Cancer!!
After my own healing from cancer, I finally have a complete understanding of 'it', 5 years later.
I attended an information meeting last night and am absolutely delighted about what I learned! It all makes perfect sense to me. And FINALLY the coming together of like-minded people to discover the answer was discovered YEARS AGO! Here it is........are you ready?...
I am going to tell you the short story of it.
SUGAR FEEDS CANCER!!!
It is that simple. I heard that before but didn't completely understand it.
I even wrote about little bits and pieces of this in my book, but didn't understand it completely because I didn't really know what cancer was.
I know I was totally in fear and I didn't want to study 'cancer' even when they told me I had it because I didn't want my mind to believe something I didn't want to believe.
As I went through my own healing, I did modify my diet somewhat. I always ate quite healthy (but I am by no means perfect in this area or any other). I included more vegetables like kale, swiss chard and spinach.
I did stop eating sweets, even though I DO indeed have a sweet tooth.
I cut way back on anything that had wheat in it.
And of course I released all the rage I had been suppressing and then surrendered to depression that plagued me my entire life.
I am going to write more about what I learned another day as I have some things to attend to that I have been procrastinating about. So stay tuned.
Go to www.ABCcancerfree.com Love Susan


Monday, March 15, 2010

Dreary day


This morning I started out feeling somewhat less than my happy self as I do not appreciate setting the clocks ahead because I am a person who appreciates allot of sleep. I don't like to sleep in, never have, so in order to get up around 6 or 6:30 I need to go to bed early. All this is fine with me except when we 'SPRING' ahead I LOSE an hours sleep! Getting up at 6 is fine with me getting up at 5 ISN'T!!!
So putting that boo hoo story aside, I debated whether I wanted to go for my 2 hour walk to the beach. I decided to go after all and since it was raining it matched my mood.
On the way to the beach I pass through a ravine and climb down many stairs, on the way back I climb up the steps. Today I saw a little animal on the step, it was a black and white cat. I asked it if it was OK and it said MEOW I asked it if it was lost and it said MEOW. I told it to wait there and on my way home if it was still there I would bring it home with me and together we would find its family. I love all animals, but have more experience with dogs. Our latest dog passed away last summer.
On my way home I wondered if that little kitty would still be on the step. Odds were it wouldn't be because many people climb up and down those steps including many dogs, so I was surprised to see it was still there. It looked sick or maybe in shock so I gently picked it up. It vomited on my boots and I thought 'vomiting is good' so we continued up the steps and I carried the little one home, knowing it didn't seem to be doing too well. I talked to it and told it to hang on, and I promised to take care of it. We finally reached my front door and walked into the house where I grabbed an old towel for it to lay on, only to find it had died in my arms while I carried it home.
The animal control person just came by to pick it up. When I told her what had happened she said that it was poisoned. That's why it vomited. She said it may have been rat poison, either the cat ate the rat or the poison. She said it is the slow release formula that causes more deaths. If people would use the fast acting rat poison then the rat dies right away and sort of mummifies, so if you use rat poison please use the fast acting one. I have had experience with rats as well but that is another story.
So I am still feeling a little down today. I think I will just rest in it.
In memory of an innocent young cat on a rainy morning.
love Susan

Friday, March 12, 2010

Having it all together.

Every couple of months 7 of us friends get together to share dinner and wine. We have come to love these evenings as we all have a chance to share what is happening in our lives. Of course 7 women having a turn to speak leaves only so much time for each of us to share (good thing or we might need the whole week).
At our last get together one of us was mentioning all the crap that was going on in her life and that she hoped one day she would have it 'all together' like the rest of us did. We were all left looking at her with this puzzled expression of... What did she say?...she thought we all 'had it together'?? What in the world is 'having it all together'?
So one by one we tried to convice her of all the reasons why we didn't have it all together.
I remember as a teenager hanging out with friends and the arguement at that time was about who's ass was bigger. We all claimed we each had the biggest ass. Why do we put ourselves down? Why don't we have the courage to say "hey, you want the biggest ass? You can have it!" Instead we each insist ours is bigger.
Well maybe I don't have the biggest ass and maybe I do...the point is it is interesting how we look from anothers perspective.
So I will be the first to say, "I don't have the biggest ass, and I DO have it all together, and I LOVE my life, and I KNOW it is going to get better and better!!!!"
Love Susan